The WORST episodes of Son of the Beach

#1 - Chip's a Goy

Season 2 - Episode 7 - Aired 4/24/2001

Needing some R&R, the Gang heads to the tranquil Middle East. Their visit with Notch's Israeli counterpart, Noccus Johnstein, is cut short, however, when evil terrorist group HUMMUS kidnaps Notch. Can the Gang save their fearless leader, or will HUMMUS crush them like so many chickpeas? In the meantime, Chip falls in love with Noccus' daughter, Chcch, and agrees to convert to Judaism. He soon finds this means giving up much more than he bargained for.

#2 - Love, Native American Style

Season 1 - Episode 4 - Aired 4/4/2000

Notch is distraught when his step-father, local Indian Chief Pokemon, passes on, and a local casino developer convinces the Kahonee Tribe to construct a casino on their land. Although the deal's crooked, Notch is no Indian giver, and he seeks a legal way to halt construction. Also, Chip's South American relatives need money, so Chip moonlights as a male stripper.

#3 - South of Her Border

Season 1 - Episode 9 - Aired 8/15/2000

When Notch and the girls travel to the South American nation of Humidor to stop a military coup, they end up in prison instead. The shackles aren't so bad, but the all-bean diet? Ai, ai, ai. Can they escape in time to stop the coup? While the others are gone, Chip runs a junior lifeguard program.

#4 - Attack of the Cocktopuss

Season 1 - Episode 12 - Aired 9/5/2000

When the Cocktopuss sets shores on the beach, the mayor wants it as another wonder of the world. Chip sings for a rock band.

#5 - Hamm Stroker's Suck My Blood

Season 3 - Episode 8 - Aired 8/6/2002

#6 - You Only Come Once

Season 3 - Episode 7 - Aired 7/30/2002

Stinkfinger wants revenge on the people of the world because he didn't get workman's compensation because of an explosion that occured where he was working and he seeks revenge by trying to control the weather around the world. Notch's friend comes to help as Kimberlee, Porcelain, and Notch try to foil Stinkfinger's evil plan. Meanwhile, Jamaica finds out that her mom is a TV talkshow host named ""Okra"" and that she had abandoned Jamaica when she was little and wants her back. Later on, Okra becomes injured in a car accident caused by icy roads and Jamaica donates one of her kidneys to her so she can stay alive.

#7 - The Island of Dr. Merlot

Season 2 - Episode 11 - Aired 1/19/2001

B.J. and Notch crashes on an island while riding in his airplane, Dr. Merlot decides to make them his throphys.

#8 - Silence of the Clams

Season 1 - Episode 2 - Aired 3/21/2000

A unpopular girl, doesn't have a date for ""Clamapolooza"" in a end party for the college students spring break. She starts to polute the beach to close this event.

#9 - Grand Prix

Season 2 - Episode 13 - Aired 7/3/2001

Notch must defend the honor of America in a three-quarter midget car race vs. a man from France. The Frenchman, who goes by the nickname ""The Frenchman"", is married to Notch's old flame, a beautiful French maiden named Nicorette. After her reappearance on the scene, Notch realizes she's a hard habit to break. Meanwhile, B.J. and Jamiaca help save a lesbian bar from going under.

#10 - Rod Strikes Back

Season 2 - Episode 4 - Aired 4/3/2001

Rod returns and wants his revenge on everyone, Especially for B.J.; Chip's dog ""shitsu"" (sp?) arrives at Malibu Adjacent and challenges Steve.

#11 - It's Showtime at the Apollo 13!

Season 2 - Episode 10 - Aired 6/12/2001

Jamaica is chosen as the first black lifeguard in space aboard the shuttle <em>Catastrophe</em>; Notch goes undercover at the Robert Downey, Jr. Senior High School when a student hacks into the shuttle computer and endangers the mission.

#12 - Booger Nights

Season 2 - Episode 15 - Aired 7/17/2001

Quotes: Notch: ""Here's a picture of my head. And here's a picture of my face.""

#13 - Mario Putzo's... The Last Dong

Season 1 - Episode 13 - Aired 9/12/2000

Vinnie Fellachio returns to terrorizes the beach. Chip's sister, Ava Rommel visits him, and puts the moves on B.J.

#14 - Godfather Knows Best

Season 3 - Episode 9 - Aired 8/13/2002

Jamaica is shocked when Vinnie Fellachio claims to be the father she has never known.

#15 - Saturday Night Queefer

Season 3 - Episode 2 - Aired 6/25/2002

Johnny Queefer returns to town to take on his dreams of becoming a broadway star. Johnny dances at one point with Porcelain and drops her and she cuts open her breasts and all the saline squirts out. Because of this, Notch bans all dancing and Kimberlee quits the force because she feels that Notch's rule is unfair. Johnny still wants to persue his dreams of becoming a broadway dancer so he enters a contest and Kimberlee becomes his dance partner. Notch faces his past of dancing and teaches Johnny and Kimberlee some of his ""moves"" just before the contest so they can have a clear shot at winning. Only the guy who cheated Notch years ago has come back with his son to challenge Johnny, with Porcelain as his partner.

#16 - With Sex You Get Eggroll

Season 1 - Episode 1 - Aired 3/14/2000

The Mayor wants Head Lifeguard Notch Johnson out of Malibu Adjacent, and she's recruited Kimberlee Clark to join his squad and get the low-down on him by wearing a mini-camera. She thinks that her work is done when Notch decides to bust enslaved girls from a whore house from the inside, by posing as a customer. If the slavers don't get Notch, the Mayor's video will. Or will Kimberlee help Notch to save the day?

#17 - B.J. Blue Hawaii

Season 2 - Episode 1 - Aired 3/13/2001

Notch gets honored by the Hawaiian Tropic so he and the gang go to Hawaii. Notch meets up with an old friend and discovers that his daughter is a drug lord growing Marijuana, Cocaine, Methadone, and Hashish so he and Kimberlee team up to stop her. Meanwhile, Jamaica and B.J. enter a Miss Hawaiian Tropic Contest. Also, Chip pretends that he is gay to get the mayor to stop trying to get him in bed.

#18 - Fanny and the Professor

Season 1 - Episode 6 - Aired 4/18/2000

The Mayor with help from The Professor, plot to take over Notch's job and the beach with three beautiful robot lifeguards.

#19 - Eat My Muffin

Season 1 - Episode 7 - Aired 8/1/2000

When BJ muffs a save, she goes into an identity crisis and ends up in the care of The Divine Rod, who runs a home for lost women. And runs a web-site where people pay to watch the women, and Rod, um, ""treating"" them. Under Notch's direction, Kimberlee infiltrates the cult and snatches it's secret: psychotropic-drug-laced bran muffins. Realizing that BJ is under someone else's control, the bran muffins move Notch into action. Meanwhile, the Tetherball Invitational Tournament is in town, and the Mayor's bet that the gang can win.

#20 - Remember Her Titans

Season 2 - Episode 3 - Aired 3/27/2001

Jamaica's boyfriend has a problem with gambling, and is majorly in debt. Since Jamaica's boyfriend doesn't have the money, he is told by the bookie that he will let it slide if he throws the game. When he doesn't agree, he breaks his leg so that he can't play. Notch decides that he will fill in for him at the game and he is allowed to fill in for him because he never finished high school. Meanwhile, Kody's father comes to Malibu Adjacent from the U.K. to ask Kody to go back and live with him.

#21 - In the G-Hetto

Season 1 - Episode 3 - Aired 3/28/2000

When Jamaica is blackmailed into running drugs for a gangsta, Notch insists upon taking her place as the "mule". After all, who else can swallow 13 cocaine-filled condoms and then swim two miles? Also, Chip enters the Mr. Pec pageant. The Mayor's a judge, and she's got a guaranteed way for Chip to win.

#22 - A Tale of Two Johnsons

Season 2 - Episode 8 - Aired 5/29/2001

When an evil crime syndicate clones an operative to look like Notch, the Gang is suddenly seeing double. The real Notch Johnson must stop ""Evil Notch"" from wreaking havoc in Malibu Adjacent. Can Notch beat himself? Also, Kimberlee's old boyfriend, a musician, comes to town and tries to get Kimberlee to come back to him.

#23 - From Russia with Johnson

Season 2 - Episode 2 - Aired 3/20/2001

Notch and his unit must stop a Russian terrorist.

#24 - Penetration Island

Season 3 - Episode 1 - Aired 6/18/2002

Notch and the gang head to the Island of Bulimia by Tex Finklestein at "UBM" wanting higher ratings. When they get there, they are to play "Penetration Island", where the grand prize is $1,000,00. While everyone is being tempted or seducted by their temptress or temptor, Dirty Sanchez and his gang of Bulimians are on the island and start killing the temptors and temptresses, trying to get their island back. After being thought he was dead by everyone, Notch and an escaped Porcelain come to save the day as Dirty Sanchez is about to kill off SPF-30. Afterwards after Notch is shot by Sanchez and his gang, the scene is shown as a scripted part, then revealing that everyone is still alive.

#25 - Day of the Jackass

Season 1 - Episode 10 - Aired 8/22/2000

Malibu Adjacent is hosting a peace conference between China and Africa, and Notch has been banned from attending. That would be no problem, except Notch's old Army Secret Ops buddy, Captain ""Buck"" Enteneille has shown up and wants to go. It's even more of a problem when Notch sees him going anyway, with a sniper rifle. Can Notch stop Enteneille from ruining the conference, and still keep his friendship with Buck? Tune in. Also, Jamaica falls in love with an African prince.